Hope Is An Emotion For Fools
by littlestkitten
Summary: A very odd story that I wrote in an odd mood. From an interesting person's point of view on his relationship with Remus Lupin. R for lots of innuendo. Please R&R .


Disclaimer: I don't own HP. This isn't even how I usually interpret these characters. I must be in a really weird mood.  
  
Warnings: slash. Mentions of sex, nothing graphic. Don't like don't read.  
  
Gold, light, beauty, love, darkness, hate, sadness, joy, understanding, but mostly gold. You are golden. From your eyes to the highlights in your hair to your very being, you are golden.  
  
I have tried to describe you and failed many times. I don't know what draws me to you. It is not your body, though indeed it is beautiful. Why do I allow you to come to tear me to shreds? Perhaps I am masochist, or perhaps I need you and therefor allow you to have me in any way you see fit. Perhaps it is fate that I love you so, and perhaps you have turned me into a romantic fool.  
  
You don't need my love, you don't need my friendship, nor do you need my protection. You have all of these already. You don't need my love because you have your own. Your own mate. Black. What does he have that I don't? What is it that draws you to him and not to me?  
  
I could love you like no other; I could give you everything you desire. I have already given so much to you, what is one more thing? I remember the first night you came to me, searching for comfort from your nightmares. You had been looking for Severus, who would of thought you were such good friends? You were supposed to be his sworn enemy, you weren't. I was supposed to hate you, I don't.  
  
Severus had been gone that night. How and why you started to come to him for companionship in nights when you couldn't close your eyes for fear of what you would see, I don't know. All I know is that I bless him and hate him for giving you access to the Slytherin dorms.  
  
You made such a pitiful sight that I almost laughed at you. You were rapped in an overly large cloak that made you look deceptively small and weak. If only I knew then what strength you possessed, both physically and mentally. Maybe I would have drawn my curtains closed and gone back to sleep, or maybe I wouldn't have. Either way I would have lost something important. Either way I would have lost my heart, the chance for me to love anyone other than you was slim even then. Even then I think I loved you.  
  
I didn't laugh at you, nor did I insult you or ask how you got here. For you chose that moment to look at me and the instant my eyes met yours I was lost. How could anyone not loose themselves in those tawny orbs? For the first time I understood how true the old saying was. Eyes are truly the windows to our souls. At least, that is, to yours.  
  
What I saw in your eyes that night I'm still don't know and perhaps never shall. To put a word to the pure emotion I saw there would blasphemy. I have never been one to care whether something is blasphemous before and shall not start now. I saw pain, that is for sure, and knowledge, and sadness, and I saw the look of one who has all but given up, but most importantly I glimpsed a tiny bit of hope.  
  
I have never been hopeful. I find it an unnecessary emotion. To hope is to be let down. Not always, but sometimes once is enough. I find people who believe in hope romantic and foolish. Better to expect the worse and in turn not be hurt when that worst comes true. At the same time I hate people who have no hope. I hate myself. Perhaps that is what made me fall in love; perhaps I saw his hope and wanted it for myself. I don't think I shall ever truly know.  
  
I does not matter now, what's done is done and I can hear you coming. Forever graceful I can barely make out your footsteps, but it is quit and I have been waiting for you and could discern them anywhere.  
  
You approach me warily as if you can feel my unease. Perhaps you can, I wouldn't be surprised. I know what you want; it's the only thing you want from me. As I said before you don't want my love or even my friendship. So it surprises me not when you wrap you beautiful, deceptively slim arms around me and whisper for me to take the pain away. To offer you comfort in a way you would never ask of your love.  
  
For no the first time and most likely not the last, I hesitate. Taking away your pain will for awhile take away mine. And perhaps I will see love in your eyes tonight. Or perhaps I will just see the usual lust and animal ferocity. But even though my sorrow will increase tenfold in the morning when I wake up alone in a cold bed, I still lean down and kiss your fears away.  
  
As you lead me toward my bed and draw the curtains close and cast the regular charms to keep your dirty secret a secret. I know you are ashamed of what you do, I know you would die of shame if any of your other noble Gryffindor friends were to find out. Who would have thought, quit, shy, Remus Lupin fucking, horrible, bullying, Lucius Malfoy. What would Sirius think of you know?  
  
But all thoughts are banished as you take me. I have never known such bliss, and I know that no matter how much you hurt me, how many bruises I'll have to hide away, how many tears I'll have to blame on the weather or something in my eye, I know it will all be worth.  
  
I love you Remus. I love you my beautiful Remy. I always shall, and always will.  
  
A/N: Don't ask. Seriously, I don't know what got into me. I hope you liked it. I'm not sure if this will be a prologue or a one-shot .it can go either way depending on how many people like and want me to continue. Please review. Your opinion matters greatly. Even if it's just to flame please review. That's all I can think of to say.=^.^= 


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